Relearning to look at the world:
An attempt to see the fragments of my world as they appear in blog form.
posted by Mikey @ 1:38 AM
Is there a place where we are to think of ourselves? I know that I feel this to be true of my own case. But I feel that fear is not a driving force that I am pleased to keep in my thoughts. Stuck in the frames of images constructed by others and maintained by myself. Wouldn't it be much better to be driven out of positivity? Hope? rather than fear. Lazy, afraid and unable to work. work especially for long periods. its pathetic. thats my current state perhaps. a desire and hope for greatness has not and will not be enough. It is urgent and necessary to transcend this trap I've set myself in. THis self-suffocation is debilitating, taxing, uninspiring, and grey. How can I rise up? Rise up from the depths when all I feel is heaviness. It feels like more than just digging oneself deeper, even though there is something to that. I would describe it as suspension in abyss, a gravitational pull that gives a feeling of heaviness, and keeps one suspended at the same moment. There is also however, a somewhat deluded sense of hope. I still think great things are possible, I still believe many things can be accomplished, but remaining in these depths for long--lingering in the bleakness of an anesthesized existence, detached, displaced--I must inevitably face the question: How Deluded Am I? I know it is still worth believing in something greater, but believing can no longer be confined to the safe corners of my mind. Its quite easy to trick yourself and not acknowledge it. One must eventually breathe the air of reality. I must come up for air.
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